Divorce - Help
  • Assalamu alaikum

    Dear Brothers and Sisters,

    I have recently went through a divorce and I am having a hard time dealing with everything that has happened to me and it has gotten to the point the its starting to effect my imaan, me as a person and the people around me.

    I find myself being closed, angry, heartless and selfish towards people especially my parents and I hate feeling like this and treating them and my family in this way considering that they have all been there for me during this horrible time. I hate the person I have become and I don’t know how to get out of this rut.

    When I first separated from my ex I found myself praying constantly and reading the Quran. During that point I felt at peace and close to Allah swt somehow I lost my way and I want to go back but I just can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel anymore.

    I’m still in my early twenties and through the years I have gone through other painful tests all of which I have managed to overcome with my faith, patience and the strength of my family. It just seems that happiness in our family never last longs.

    I think everything that has happened through the years and this divorce has made me truly sad inside. I want to go back to being that bubbly person that I once was but I just feel like this has been my final knock.
    I don’t know what to do. With the brothers they can turn to the mosque and speak to the local mufti but where can us females turn to for help when we need someone to talk to.

    I have all this stuff going on in my head along with all the additional…why did this happen to me, which guy is going to want to marry a divorcee, is there any point in even trying to find a suitable spouse – will I just be subject to more pain in a new marriage.

    I just want to see if there a dua I can read to help me through and to see if anyone went through something similar and how they got through.

    Allah Hafiz
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  • Walikum Salaam Waramatullah Warbarkatu.

    I can see that your going through a lot of pain. But you have to realize that this is Allah's test on you becoming a better person.

    Allah the Exalted states in Surah Baqarah :

    "We will test you with something of fear, and hunger and loss of wealth, and souls and vegetation. And give glad tidings to those who have patience. Those who if in any difficulty or trial, or tribulation occurs to them or happens to them, they say: 'Verily We are from Allah and to Allah we return.' They are those who will receive prayers from their Lord and Mercy and it is those who are guided."

    The great reward is in accordance to how great o­nes trial, difficulty or test is. The greater the test and trial, the greater the reward. And everyone must have tests and everyone will have problems & trials and everyone will be put to difficulty, everyone will have moments of grief, moments of sadness moments when things are not as they feel or would like them to be. But the difference is the believer is patient, the believer believes in the decree of Allah, the believer seeks the reward of Allah (subhana wa ta'ala) at that time.

    As recorded in Bukhari and Muslim: The Prophet (sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam) said :

    "Whoever Allah wants good for him, he puts them to test. He puts them through difficulties. Like a diamond or some metal that has to be burnt and then that which is bad from it is removed so that you have that which is the pure diamond or the pure gold or whatever. Put them to tests, trials and difficulties."

    Sister you have to understand that the reason your behaving this way is because your ego (nafs) is pulling you through these hardships basically your ruining your own life.
    You have to fight yourself and take control over yourself. You have to understand that whatever has happened has happened and now is time to look into the future.

    In the Quran it states “Do you think that you will enter the Garden without such trials as came to those who passed away before you? They encountered suffering and adversity, and were so shaken in spirit that even the Messenger and those of faith who were with him cried ‘When will come the help of Allah?’ Verily, the help of Allah is always near!” (Quran 2:214)

    Take comfort: our hardships have happened to others before us
    This ayah is reassurance – you are not alone. Those who came before us were shaken (this word in the Quran comes from the same root as earthquake) – so will we be, those around us, and others after us.

    Stop thinking negative thoughts and start thinking positive.


    “He that is righteous and patient,- never will Allah suffer the reward to be lost, of those who do right.” (Surat Yousef, Verse 90)

    Here are 7 practical steps to help you face any difficult situation

    Salah. Make sure you stick to praying on time – 5 times a day. Never miss a salah and do your best to pray each Salah with sincerity as if it’s your last salah in this world.

    Read Quran. This Quran is so beautiful that no matter what difficulties you face you’ll find solace in it.

    Make Dua. Especially the dua for removing anxiety.

    Give Sadaqah. Give lots of charity, as much as you can, because it helps push away hardship. And if you can’t give money, even kind words or physical sadaqah can do (i.e. helping people physically or emotionally).

    Set Goals and Have Vision. Don’t let shaytaan play with you and keep replaying the video of your hardship in your mind over and over again, move on! Set new goals, new projects, and remember you’re with Allah, nothing should stop you!

    Wake up Early. Wake up before fajr and work on your ideas and projects, or simply read Qur’an. Getting busy before day break is a definite way to move away from your hardship and overcome challenges. Get most of your ideas/work done in these early hours, these are blessed hours.

    Hardship is Not Lost. Remember, Allah will never forget the injustice/hardship you faced, so don’t worry about seeking revenge or trying to get justice

    Every Jummah recite Durood Shareef abundantly and make dua to Allah.

    Repent to Allah for forgiveness and to guide you on the right path.

    Recite the following, Also recite Durood Ibraheem before and after:

    1.La ilaha illa Allah Al-’Azim, Al-’Alim, la ilaha illa Allah, Rabbul ‘arshil ‘Azim, la ilaha illa Allahu, Rabbus-Samawati wa rabbul ardi wa rabbul ‘arshi karim (There is no god but Allah, the Mighty, the Forbearing, there is no god but Allah, the Lord of the mighty throne, there is no god but Allah, the Lord of the heavens and the earth, and the Lord of the throne of honor)’.”

    2. “Ya Hayyu, ya Qayyumu, bi-rahmatika astaghithu (O the Living, O the Eternal, I seek help in Your grace).

    3. ‘Allahumma rahmataka arju, fala takilni ila nafsi tarfata ‘ain, wa aslah li sha’ni kullahu, la ilaha illa anta (O Allah, I hope for Your mercy, so give me not over to my self even for as little as wink of an eye, and set right all my affairs, there is no god but You).”

    4. ‘La ilaha illa anta, subhanaka, inni kuntu minadh-dhalimin (there is no god but You, You are far exalted and above all weaknesses, and I was indeed the wrongdoer)’

    5.A’oodhu bi kalimaat Allaah al-taammaati min sharri maa khalaq (I seek refuge in the perfect words of Allaah from the evil of that which He has created).”

    6. "A’oodhu bi kalimaat Allaah al-taammah min kulli shaytaanin wa haammah wa min kulli ‘aynin laammah (I seek refuge in the perfect words of Allaah, from every devil and every poisonous reptile, and from every bad eye).’”

    Read Dua Manzil

    On the topic on whose going to marry a divorcee

    I am sure there is someone out there who is willing to marry you. Do not give up hope.
    Marriage is a relationship between man and women, where both come together in the name of Allah and advance and expand the Umma of Muhammad (upon him be peace). This is regardless of whether the woman is a divorcee or a never-betrothed one.
    As for the marriages of the Messenger (upon him be peace), they were all with divorcees except in the case of Hazrat A’isha (Allah have mercy on her) who was a virgin.

    For now I suggest you do not think about remarrying until you have fully recovered spiritually and emotionally. After that you can then think of remarriage.

    Pray Salatul Istikahara so that Allah tala may help you find a loyal husband

    My last advice is be patient and confident.

    Go to a place where you will bound to find happiness

    Stay in the gathering of the pious.

    Love the prophet, his family, companions

    Recite or Listen to Naat/Hamds/Nasheeds

    Do Zikr

    Also mufti, shaykhs or any scholar can help and suppose to help people of both gender
    So you should ask your local mufti for advice they will help you but proper adab should be kept.

    I am a shaykh myself so if you have any further questions please do not hesitate to ask.
    I am here to help.

  • Jazakallah khair for your kind words and advice. I have started to implement the points that you have suggested and I feel a lot better. I wrote that message when I was truly down and I needed to get out how I felt. I will reflect on your words if I feel down again. Thank you.
  • Assalam alaykum warahmatullah

    May I know the age of sister Khadija and the country where she lives? I am sorry if the way I asked is not permissible in this forum.
  • Walikum Salaam Waramatullah Warbarkatu. Brother debo, yes it is dangerous to ask questions about a certain person personal lives. It is safe that we should keep our identity as a secret and not share our identity or our personal information on the internet for there could be danger and to be on the safe side we should give information to those whom we can trust,

Assalam Alaykum

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