Handling Betrayal with Allah's Help
  • Assalamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullah.

    My beloved Muslim brothers and sisters, and Imam's of HOTD,

    There was a girl, 2 years older than me, with whom I've been in a Haram premarital relationship for 4+ years (Astagfirullah, I know it's not right to mention this but I am posting this with the intention that Insha Allah many of us may learn something from the Imam's answer). Alhamdulillah, when we together grew in faith, we understood that this is not the right way to be with each other. We parted ways about 10 months ago with the intent of not indulging in a major sin like this again and rather get married after a few years by the laws of Shariah; it was incredibly difficult to get separated because we were planning on marriage. In the mean time, we intended to grow in faith individually because being together illegally on one hand and following Islam on another made no sense.

    I still have very strong feelings for the girl, and was proud of how she was growing in religion because I observed her activities. Today, I learned that she has gotten herself in a relationship with another man about 4 months ago which crushed my heart to the core :( I also uncovered some very disturbing information about them which I am not going to share here. May Allah help her back on to Allah's Path, because inside she is truly a pure true Muslimah, but got into one of the traps of Satan.

    With my heart completely crushed, I'm still not allowing Satan to trap me into committing anything against my religion, but I am growing weak with every minute. I always ask for patience in Munajat, and I see this situation to be yet another opportunity to grow in patience. Please advise - what can I do to keep my mind concentrated on Allah SWT and what additional Ibadah can I offer to grow stronger? It feels like I'm about to break at any minute.
    Please keep her and myself in your duaa's, Insha Allah. Thank you for your time.
  • 9 Comments sorted by
  • "So when Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'ala , in His Infinite Wisdom, tests us with a situation that we think is difficult or takes away something that in our mind was good for us, we need to remember that perhaps it may not be so. Perhaps if we had continued in our way, it might have been harmful for us and whatever Allah decreed for us is actually better for us, for He is All-Wise and All-Knowing."

    Allah says:

    '...and it may be that you dislike a thing which is good for you and that you like a thing which is bad for you. Allah knows but you do not know.' (Surah Baqarah: 216)

    What you need to keep in mind here is that, there is no good that ever comes out of doing something sinful. Take this as a blessing and continue on the right path. We live in a world where we strive to do good while fighting the fitna of this generation. Up until our time in this dunya finishes.. which could be what? 50 years? 70? let's say 100 years.

    Jannah is eternal. If you keep this in mind and try to live your life doing good deeds, for however long you live, you will realize one day that you did it to find eternal happiness. Eternity > few measly years of dunyas pleasures.

    My brother, in Jannah you will find Hoor Al Ayn!

    “And with them will be chaste females, restraining their glances (desiring none except their husbands), with wide and beautiful eyes; (Delicate and pure) as if they were (hidden) eggs (well) preserved.” [Sura As-Sâffât (37):40-48]

    “So (it will be), and We shall marry them to Houris (female fair ones) with wide, lovely eyes.” [Sura Ad-Dukhân (44):51-55]

    Be regular in your prayers and ask Allah to help you overcome your sadness and commit yourself from ever going down this path again. In time insha Allah you will see the benefits.

    Hope I've been helpful!
  • Walikum Salaam Waramatullah Warbarkatu. Brother there is a reason why the prophet Muhammad (salalahu alayhi wassalam) told us not to be boyfriends and girlfriend for it is striclty haraam in Islam and I am happy you have finally realized this. The reason why the prophet forbade having such relationships is because people often commit zina and zina is a major major sin. Also when people are in a relationship people intend to break up and face such difficulties in there lives. The prophet foretold such incidents will occur.

    “Among the signs of the Hour are that knowledge will be taken away, ignorance will be widespread, Zina and wine-drinking will be widespread.” [Bukhari].

    Brother I am really happy that Allah tala has guided you from the wrong path for he gave you the understanding on what your doing is wrong brother and that he placed the love of Islam the understanding of true Islam.

    Sahl ibn Sa’d reported: The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “By Allah, were Allah to guide a single man through you would be better for you than a herd of red camels.”

    Source: Sunan Abu Dawud 3661

    Brother I insist you to read 2 rakats nafl of thanks to Allah that he protected from the action of zina and other evil.

    Brother the girl you have mentioned as you had mentioned that she is in a relationship with another person and there was some gross information. Brother from a shariah point of view I suggest that wherever you got the information from is that it is truthful because you have mentioned that she is a good muslimah. If she is in a relationship with another man then Allah tala is trying to tell you brother is that this woman is not the right match for you because she is commiting such actions.

    ...and it may be that you dislike a thing which is good for you and that you like a thing which is bad for you. Allah knows but you do not know.' (Surah Baqarah: 216)

    Mashallah I am happy that you had prayed to Allah for patience but when Allah tala gives patience he gives trials and tribulations in order for you to become patient.

    Narrated Anas bin Malik: I heard Allah’s Apostle saying, “Allah said, ‘If I deprive my slave of his two beloved things (i.e., his eyes) and he remains patient, I will let him enter Paradise in compensation for them.’”
    Sahih Al-Bukhari – Book 70 Hadith 557

    Brother all I could say is that you have to move on with your life and come to the right path, brother your lord is trying to guide you to the right path by giving you difficulties so that you may become a better person and Allah tala is calling you to the right path. Allah tala signs are really clear but the problem is that we dont see them because shaytaan doesnt want us to be guided and we must try our best to abstain from his evil whisper.

  • Brother what you can do is the following:

    1. Dhikr in a quiet room
    2. Recite Durood Shareef almost everyday espcially on a friday
    3. Recite the Quran
    4. Be with the pious people
    5. Pray 5 times a day
    6. Recite naats/hamds/nasheeds

    You recite the following in your duas.

    Rabbana innanā amanna, faghfir lana, dhunoobana wa-qinna 'adhāāban-naar

    (Our Lord! we have indeed believed: forgive us, then, our sins, and save us from the agony of the Fire)
    [surah Ali' Imran; 3:16]

    سُبْحَنَ رَبِّنَآ إنَّا كُنَّا ظَلِمِينَ

    Subhāna Rabbina inna kunna dhalimeen

    (Glory to our Lord! Verily we have been doing wrong!)

    لَّا إِلَهَ إِلَّا أَنتَ سُبْحَانَكَ إِنِّي كُنتُ مِنَ الظَّالِمِينَ

    La illaha illa Anta Subhanak, inni kuntu min adh-dhalimeen

    (There is no God but You; Glory be to You, Truly I have been one of the wrongdoers)
    [Surah al-Anbiyah, 21: 87]

    سُبْحَنَكَ تُبْتُ إلَيْكَ وَ أنَاْ أوَّلُ الْمُؤْمِنِينَ

    Subhānaka tubtu ilaiyka wa 'ana awwal-ul mu'mineen

    (Glory be to Thee! To Thee I turn in repentance, and I am the first to believe)
    [surah al-A'raf, 7:143]

    اللَّهُمَّ اعْفِرْلِى ذَنْبِئ كُلَّهُ، و جِلَّهُ، وَ أوَّلَهُ وَ آخِرَهُ عَلا نِيَتَهُ وَ سِرَّهُ

    Allahumma-ghfir li dhanbi kullahu, diqqahu wa jillahu, wa awwalahu wa akhirahu, wa 'ala niyatahu wa sirrahu

    (O Allah! Forgive me all my sins, great and small, the first and the last, those that are apparent and those that are hidden)
    [Muslim 1:350]

    اللَّهُمَّ إنِّي أسْألُكَ يَا اللَّهُ بِأنَّكَ الْوَاحِدُّ الأحَدُ الصَّمَدُ الَّذِي لَمْيَلِدْ وَ لَمْ يُولَدْ وَلَمْ يَكُنْ لَهُ كُفُواً أحَدٌ، أنْ تَغْفِرَ لِي ذُنُوبِي إنَّكَ أنْتَ الْغَفُورُ الَّرحِيمُ

    Allahumma inni asaluka ya Allahu bi annakal Wahidul Ahadus-Samadul ladhi, lam ya-lid wa lam youlad, wa lam yakullahu kufuwan Ahad, an taghfirali dhunoobi innaka Antal Ghafūūrur Raheem

    (O Allah! I ask You, O Allah, You are the One, the Only, Self Sufficient Master, who was not begotten and begets not and non is equal to Him. Forgive me my sins, surely you are Forgiving, Merciful.)
    [Abu Dawud, an Nasa'i, ibn Majah, at Tirmidhi]

    أسْتَغْفِرُ اللَّهَ وَ أتُوبُ إلَيْهِ

    Astaghfirullaha wa atūūbu ilai(hi)

    (I seek the Forgiveness of Allah and repent to Him.)
    [to be reicted 100 times during the day]
    [Sahih al Bukhari, Muslim 4:2075]

    سُبْحَانَكَ اللَّهُمَّ وَ بِحَمْدِكَ، أشْهَدُ أنْ لا إلهَ إلَّا أنْتَ، أسْتَغْفِرُكَ وَ أتُوبُ إلَيْكَ

    Subhanakal-Lahumma wa bihamdik, ash-hadu allaillaha illa ant, astaghfiruka wa'atoobu ilaiyk

    (Glory be to You, O Allah, and all Praise, I testify that there is no deity but You, I seek Your Forgiveness and to You do I repent.)
    [3 times] [recommended for at the end of meetings, atoning for infractions during it]
    [at Tabari, an Nasa'i, al Hakim]

    اللَّهُمَّ اِنّى اسْتَغْفِرُكَ لِذَنْبِى وَ اسْئَلُكَ رَحْمَتَكَ

    Allahumma inni astaghfiruka li dhanbi wa as'aluka rahmatak

    (O Allah! I ask You for Forgiveness for my sins, and for Your Mercy.)

    اللَّهُمَّ اغْفِرْلِى خَطَايَاىَ وَ ذُنُوْبِى كُلِّهَا

    Allahummaghfirli khatāyaya wa dhunubi kullaha

    (O Allah! Forgive all my sins and ommissions.)

    رَبَّنَا لا تُؤَاخِذْنآ إِننَسِيَنآ أوْ أخْطَأْ نَا رَبَّنَا وَ لا تَحْمِلْ عَلَيْنَآ إصْرًا كَمَا حَمَلْتَه عَلَى اْلَّذِينَ مِن قَبْلِنَا ج رَبَّنَا وَ لا تُحَمّلْنَا مَا لا طَاقَةَ لَنَابِهِ وَاْعْفُعَنَّا وَ اْغْفِرْلَنَا وَاْرْحَمْنَآ أنتَ مُوْلَنَا فَاْنصُرْنَا عَلَى الْقَوْمِ الْكَفِرِينَ

    Rabbana la tu'a-khidhna in-nasina aw akta'na, Rabbana wa la tahmil 'alaiyna isran kama hamaltahu 'alal-ladheena min qablina. Rabbana wala tuham-milna mala taqata-lana beh. Wa'fu-'anna, waghfir-lana war hamna, Anta maulana fansurna 'alal qawmil kaafireen

    (Our Lord! Condemn us not if we forget or fall into error; our Lord! Lay not on us a burden like that which Thou didst lay on those before us; Our Lord! lay not on us a burden greater than we have strength to bear. Blot out our sins, and grant us forgiveness. Have mercy on us, Thou art our Protector; Help us against those who stand against Faith)
    [surah al-Baqarah; 2:286]

    اللَّهُمَّ أَنْتَ رَبِّي لا إِلَهَ إِلا أَنْتَ خَلَقْتَنِي وَأَنَا عَبْدُكَ وَأَنَا عَلَى عَهْدِكَ وَوَعْدِكَمَا اسْتَطَعْتُ أَعُوذُ بِكَ مِنْ شَرِّ مَا صَنَعْتُ أَبُوءُ لَكَ بِنِعْمَتِكَ عَلَيَّ وَأَبُوءُ لَكَ بِذَنْبِي فَاغْفِرْ لِي فَإِنَّهُ لا يَغْفِرُ الذُّنُوبَ إِلا أَنْتَ

    Allahumma anta Rabbi la ilaha illa anta, Anta Khalaqtani wa ana abduka, wa ana 'ala ahdika wa wa'dika mastata'tu, A'udhu bika min Sharri ma sana'tu, abu'u Laka bini'matika 'alaiya, wa Abu Laka bidhanbi faghfirli innahu la yaghfiru adhdhunuba illa anta

    (O Allah! You are my Lord! None has the right to be worshipped but You. You created me and I am Your slave, and I am faithful to my covenant and my promise as much as I can. I seek refuge with You from all the evil I have done. I acknowledge before You all the blessings You have bestowed upon me, and I confess to You all my sins. So I entreat You to forgive my sins, for nobody can forgive sins except You.)

    Shaddad ibn Aws (radiAllahu anhu) relates that the Prophet (salAllahu alayhi wasalam) said that he (Sayyid al-Istighfar) most superior way of asking for forgiveness from Allah is to say (the above du'a). That "If somebody recites it during the day with firm faith in it, and dies on the same day before the evening, he will be from the people of Paradise; and if somebody recites it at night with firm faith in it, and dies before the morning, he will be from the people of Paradise."
    [sahih al-Bukhari; 8,75,318, at-Tirmidhi; 3393, an-Nasa'i; 5522, Ahmad; 16662]

  • Brother also perform istigfar as much as possible for the sins you have committed. Brother when you make istigfar try to surrender yourself infront your lord and keep on repenting if possible cry in your duas for it shows sadness and sorrow. It is the month of Rajab and verily this is Allah's month so try to seek forgiveness from Allah as possible and seek through the waseelah of the prophet that Allah tala may forgive you. Love the prophet and his family as much as you can and recite naats for it will remove all the pain because when your in the love of the prophet brother all the pains just leave.

    Brother be strong and never give up.

    Brother inshallah I pray that you will find someone that you love and get married for your intentions are good.

    “… Wed them with the permission of their own folk and give them their mahr (dowry) according to what is reasonable; they should be chaste, not adulterous, nor taking boyfriends…” [al-Nisaa’ 4:25]

    In his commentary on this aayah, Ibn Katheer (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

    “Muhsanaat [translated as “chaste”] means that they should be pure, not indulging in zinaa (unlawful sexual conduct), hence they are described as not being musaafihaat, which means promiscuous women who do not refuse anyone who wants to commit immoral acts with them. Regarding the phrase wa laa muttakhidhaati akhdaan (‘nor taking boyfriends’), Ibn ‘Abbaas said: ‘al-musaafihaat means those who are known to commit zinaa, meaning those who will not refuse anyone who wants to commit immoral acts with them.’ Ibn ‘Abbaas also said: ‘muttakhidhaati akhdaan means lovers.’ A similar interpretation was narrated from Abu Hurayrah, Mujaahid, al-Sha’bi, al-Dahhaak, ‘Ataa’ al-Khurasaani, Yahyaa ibn Abi Katheer, Muqaatil ibn Hayyaan and al-Saddi. They said: (it means) lovers. Al-Hasan al-Basri said: ‘It means a (male) friend.’ Al-Dahhaak also said: ‘wa laa muttakhidhaati akhdaan also means a woman who has just one boyfriend or lover with whom she is happy. Allaah has also forbidden this, meaning marrying her so long as she is in that situation…’”

    If you have anymore questions or need scholarly advice please do ask.
  • Jazak Allah Khair, brother. I know I will overcome whatever it is I am going through, it is difficult and will be so for a while. However, with the help of Duas from brothers like you, I'll be back on track again very soon Insha Allah!
  • Assalamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullah, Sheikh.

    Jazak Allah Khair for the time you took in providing such an encouraging comment, you brought tears to my eyes and I pray you find yourself in Jannah Insha Allah, you are helping out a lot of people for the cause of Allah, Masha Allah.

    Jazak Allah Khair for your observations in your first reply, I will take that into consideration. I have been doing most of the things you suggested in your second and third comment, Alhamdulillah for a long time before any of this happened.

    Sheikh, I have been having disturbing dreams since the day I found out about this. During my sleep, I wake up due to a bad dream, nightmare etc. several times (about 4-5) during the night. I see a new, different dream, and all of them disturbing, each time I go to sleep again after such incidences. Sometimes I see her face in these dreams, but she hurts me in them by her actions. I wake up with my heart racing and hurting as if they weren't dreams, but were true; which is when I try to perform Dhikr, recite Ayatul Kursi and try to go back to sleep again.

    Back when I did not know that about her, sometimes when she used to appear in my dreams, I used to have peaceful, loving dreams of her; in some of which we were even married, and had beautiful children. Her being a hurtful person in my dreams now is perhaps induced by the pain and blow I received after finding out about her. I am having difficulty interpreting the meaning of the dream; because as I know, good dreams are given by Allah SWT, and bad ones are induced by Satan.

    Before going to bed, I always try to remain abluted (by Wudu), even though most of the time it breaks before I go to sleep; I recite Ayatul Kursi and I recite the Dua before going to bed "Allahumma Bi-ismika Aamutu Wa Ah'yaa".

    Sheikh, what else would you recommend for me to sleep peacefully again? Jazak Allah Khair for your time.
  • Walikum Salaam Waramatullah Warbarkatu. Brother if you think happy thoughts as you sleep you will have a good dream and vice versa.

    Pray your five times pray especially Isha before you sleep. I am happy Mashallah that your following my instructions.

    Sleeping/ Resting dua

    The prophet said who ever rests in a place, sleeps or sits and reads this dua nothing can harm him, no jinn or poisonous animal etc. As long as he stays there and does not move from that place.

    Among the saheeh du’aa’s for refuge that have been narrated from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) are:

    “A’oodhu bi kalimaat Allaah al-taammaati min sharri maa khalaq (I seek refuge in the perfect words of Allaah from the evil of that which He has created).”

    (Narrated by Muslim, al-Dhikr wa’l-Du’aa, 4881)

    "A’oodhu bi kalimaat Allaah al-taammah min kulli shaytaanin wa haammah wa min kulli ‘aynin laammah (I seek refuge in the perfect words of Allaah, from every devil and every poisonous reptile, and from every bad eye).’”

    (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, Ahaadeeth al-Anbiyaa’, 3120).

    3 times after fajr and maghrib salah

    Reciting al-Mi’wadhatayn (the last two Soorahs of the Qur’aan, al-Falaq and al-Naas).

    It was narrated that Abu Sa’eed al-Khudri (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to seek refuge with Allaah from the jinn and from the evil eye until the Mi’wadhatayn were revealed, and when they were revealed he started to recite them and not anything else.”

    قُلْ أَعُوذُ بِرَبِّ الْفَلَقِ (١) مِن شَرِّ مَا خَلَقَ(٢) وَمِن شَرِّ غَاسِقٍ إِذَا وَقَبَ (٣)وَمِن شَرِّ النَّفَّاثَاتِ فِي الْعُقَدِ(٤) وَمِن شَرِّ حَاسِدٍ إِذَا حَسَدَ ٥
    [سورة الفلق ]

    ("(1) Qul a'udhu bi Rabbil-falaq, (2) min sharri ma khalaq, (3) wa-mi sharri ghaasiqin idzha waqab, (4) wa-mi sharrin-naffathaati fil-uqad, (5) wa-mi sharri haasidin idzha hasad

    ("(1) Say: I seek refuge in the Lord of Daybreak (2) From the evil of that which He created, (3) From the evil of the darkness when it is intense, (4) And from the evil of malignant witchcraft, (5) And from the evil of the envier when he envieth")
    [surah al Falaq, 113]

    قُلْ أعُوذُ بِرَبِّ النَّاسِ (١) مَلِكِ النَّاسِ (٢) إلَهِ النَّاسِ (٣) مِن شَرِ الْوَسْوَسِ الْخَنَّاسِ (٤) الَّذِى يُوَسْوِسُ فِى صُدُورِ النَّاس (٥) مِنَ الْجِنَّةِ وَالنَّاسِ
    [تَلاثَ مَرَّاتٍ]

    Qul a'udhu bi Rabbin-Naas (1) Malikin-Naas (2) ilaahin-Naas (3) Min sharril waswaasil khanaas (4) al-ladhl you-waswisu fi sudoorin-naas (5) minal jinnati wan-naas

    (I seek refuge with the Lord of Mankind (1) the King of mankind (2) the God of Mankind (3) from the evil of the sneaking whisperer (4) who wispereth in the hearts of mankind (5) of the jinn and of mankind)
    [3 times]
    [abu Dawud 3:22, at-Tirmidhi 5:567]

    Hold you palms of the your hands together then repeat them three times each, then blow in the palm of both hand and starting from the face, rub all the way down, over your chest and arms, down to your legs and feet- only the front of the body.

    Recite the names of Allah or the names of Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)

    Recite Durood Shareef

    Protective Dua

    بِسْمِ اللَّهِ الَّذِي لَا يَضُرُّ مَعَ اسْمِهِ شَيْءٌ فِي الْأَرْضِ وَلَا فِي السَّمَاءِ وَهُوَ السَّمِيعُ الْعَلِيمُ

    Bismillaahi alladhee Laa yahdurr ma`ismihi shay’un fi al-ardi walaa fi as-samaa’i wa huwa as-samee`u al-`aleem.

    (In the name of Allah; with His name, nothing whatsoever on earth or heaven can inflict any
    harm; He is the All-Hearing, the All-Knowing.)

    3 times after fajr and maghrib salah

    Uthman (Radiallahu tala anhu) reported that Prophet Mohammad (sallalahu alayhi wassalam) has said that (nothing will harm) the servant who recites these words three times every morning and evening.

    2. The Forth Kalima

    لا إلَهَ إلأَ اللّهُ وَحْدَهُ لا شَرِيكَ لَهُ، لَهُ الْمُلْكُ وَ لَهُ الْحَمْدُ، وَهُوَ عَلَى كُلِّ شَيْ ءٍ قَدِيرٌ

    "La illaha ilAllahu wahdahu la sharika lahu, lahul Mulku, wa lahul Hamd, wa huwa 'ala kulli shay'in Qadeer"

    (There is no deity but Allah alone. He has no Partner. Sovereignty and Grace are His and He is the Omnipotent)

    100 times after fajr and maghrib salah

    [al Bukhari 4:95, Muslim 4:2071] (You can say it once or twice before you sleep, 100 optional but not necessary)

    It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:

    “Whoever says “Laa ilaaha ill-Allaah wahdahu laa shareeka lah, lahu’l-mulk wa lahu’l-hamd wa huwa ‘ala kulli shay’in qadeer” one hundred times in the day, will have a reward equivalent to that of freeing ten slaves, one hundred hasanahs (good deeds) will be recorded for him, and one hundred sayi’ahs (bad deeds) will be erased from his record, and it will be protection for him from the Shaytaan for that day, until evening comes. No one could achieve any better than him except the one who does more than he did.”

    (narrated by al-Bukhaari, 31119; Muslim, 2691)

    You do not have to recite every single dua here, you can recite a few or everything it is optional but I recommend you recite those duas under the Sleeping duas.

    Brother you have to stop thinking about this woman she has already have been commiting actions that you said were horrible. Brother if you are having dreams that seem real then these dreams are telling you that she is not the right woman for you and the dreams could turn out to be real. Brother have you not realized that the more you think about this woman the more your going to have such terrible dreams and the more life is going to get ruined. Brother you have to move on with your life this woman has already left you and has committed some sinful acts that you mentioned. Brother what I can say is that you should get married for the love of your wife on whomever you may marry will remove the pain your facing and replace it will love. That I can suggest is an option you can also be with the people of the pious or be with the people whom you love for example your friends and family. Brother go somewhere that it will make you forget about this woman who is ruining your life.

    Brother if you have seen any recent dreams please do tell me so I can interpret it for you.

    Brother also I advise you to read Dua Manzil almost everyday until the troubles are gone and recite Sura Yaseen before you go to sleep or before you start your day or any verse from the Quran.
  • Assalamu Alaikum. Sheikh, Jazak Allah Khair for your wonderful advises and wishes. With the help of the Almighty, I am fine now Alhamdulillah. I will follow some of them Insha Allah for now, and will gradually try to follow more little by little.

    Do keep me in your prayers, Insha Allah. You have helped me a lot. May Allah shower His Mercy and Blessings upon you.
  • Walikum Salaam Waramatullah Warbarkatu. Your Welcome. Ameen. I am happy that your feeling much better now. There will always be stress in this world but we have to endure the pain with patience and solve it with perserverance.

Assalam Alaykum

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